


Ecstasy

by oswinleaf



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: I'm still suffering, M/M, Pining, Pining Sherlock, Suicide mention, Unresolved Angst, drug mention, this was inspired by those blog posts that blew up yesterday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 10:35:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6607552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oswinleaf/pseuds/oswinleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place immediately before and after TSOT. Inspired by the unpublished TEH blog posts that Sherlock wrote that were released yesterday. 523 words of pure pain, I am so sorry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ecstasy

Fire crackling. Breeze blowing gently through the window. Steam rising from a cup of tea.

The wedding. Just hours away, now, but even less time until John walks through the door of 221B for the first time in far too long. On any other occasion this would thrill Sherlock, but the reason behind John's return was enough to make him want to bolt the door and play his violin until the world ended.

In a few minutes Sherlock will be giving John his final dancing lesson before the wedding and the final acceptance that John can never be his. The previous lessons have been difficult enough, but just thinking of the last time he will ever have an excuse to hold John close, put his hand on John's waist, breathe in the scent of John's cologne...it's too much for Sherlock. He's going to need something to help him cope.

Rising from his chair, Sherlock moves to cross the room.

Ecstasy.

_SMILING. CAN'T STOP SMILING. LIFE SO HAPPY. LOVE. LOVE LIFE. BEAT GETTING FASTER. CAN'T STOP MOVING. NOW JUST HARMONY. NO BEAT. MELODY. STOP MOVING. SMILE TO THE SKY. ALL STANDING STILL. BEAUTIFUL. NEVER BEEN SUCH HARMONY IN ALL HISTORY. WANT TO KISS EVERYONE. THEY WANT TO KISS ME. BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT................_

Loud music. People dancing. John is happy, but because of Mary. Not Sherlock. They're going to have a baby. 

Sometimes Sherlock wishes that he wasn't clever enough to spot things like that.

Turning up his coat collar, he walks swiftly away from the reception. He doesn't know where he's going, just that he needs to get away. 

It's wearing off now. 

Baker Street, Sherlock decides. Back to Baker Street for some more, maybe even a little too much. Mrs. Hudson is out, everyone's at the wedding, there's no one around to care or stop him. Anything to not think about how John hugged him, how John looked at him during his speech, how his skin felt like fire when John touched his neck. Anything to not think about how happy they were dancing together, how John looked at her like she was his world, how John was taken now, forever, and Sherlock could never have him.

There are a number of things Sherlock could do to stop thinking completely. There is a bridge on the way home, he could just jump. He's pretty sure there's a necktie that's too long for him in John's closet back at home. But, he thinks, the most perfectly poetic way to do it is neither of those. And John would want it to be poetic, wouldn't he? Such a romantic.

No, the poetic thing to do would be to go out the same way Sherlock came in to this suffering. The drug that got him through having John close to him is the perfect drug to get him through having John ripped away.

Ecstasy.

_Sometimes I wonder what it'll be like to die. I'll find myself drifting off, staring at something, anything and I'll stop blinking. I feel my whole body slowing down... My heartbeat... Everything... And I wonder how long it'll be before_


End file.
